Sometimes we know how to console people but we have difficulty making ourselves feeling better. That is why we have a phrase :"Easier said than done." However, if you take a step back and look back into life, you would have realised that those difficult times that we have all been through, everything is just a process. It's usually easier said, but then ultimately you will still get it done, somehow.
Recently i'm been through alot, emotionally which i just couldnt comprehend why everything seems to affect me that much. So much so that within this week alone, i have no mood to eat, no time to sleep and no urge to interact with others. Luckily for me, at different stages of life, i have really nice colleagues, ex-colleagues and of cos, on top of that i'm fortunate to have a social worker buddy. Suddenly, i really miss my St Hilda's colleagues, esp Angelia. Her words never fail to encourage and spur me on.
There are people who tell me that i've been too hard on myself and some pupils are not worthy for me feeling for them. I feel dishearted because i think i've not tried my best in reaching out to them. And on other cases, i build up and work hard with them yet i'm the one who wrote them a F, keyed in an F and return to them. The kind of disappointment they have in themselves, i can feel it strongly and i feel lousy because i am totally helpless towards it. H.E.L.P.L.E.S.S. So this entire week, i've been searching for myself being a teacher, as a teacher.
I'm happy for Yoko and Syakirah when i keyed in her marks into the system. As compared to Ca2, Yoko has made a big leap of 31 marks and 66 is her personal best for the year. That makes me feel lousy when i face pupils like Eiffel,Tammy,Joey,Shafiq and Xin Wei which i did not manage to save them early enough. And all these while, i've totally left out Inshera and Nuranis who needed my help the most. If i've noticed their strengths and weakness earlier, i could have done more and they would not have failed. They are, fantastic pupils. I have not done my best. I could have persevered a little bit more and be more patient with Jeryl,Jia Jian and Terrence, i guess they would have done much better. If i've spent more time to talk to kenneth lek,junianto and shane, they too, could have been one of the top scorers in class. All of them are underachieving. So does that mean that it has got to do with my capability?
As students before we know, teachers usually leave out those they think can be independent learners to be on their own. My teachers in the past had never gave me any attention before and i guess i know how it feels. Therefore i think i've also indirectly been neglecting some of my very good pupils in class - Yi ying,Darley,Melirose,Rachel,Calvern,Xian Yao,Wei Jie,Zaki, Danish and Willson.
I think after yesterday, i really came to realisation that all these while, my thinking, my feelings and my talks with my darlings is a process that i must and need to go through. 3 more weeks to end of term. I will and must learn from my weaknesses and hope that for the next class that comes into my life will be very well taken of. In that sense, i've learnt more from 5B than they have received from me.
5B 5B. They are still the Best in my eyes.
Love the class so much that i think my days spent with them doesnt seem to be enough.
I hope all of them will really strive nx year for their PSLE.
I think no matter how many years have passed, i will not forget the few weeks i had with class 5B.
I'm awake now. I've walked out and sorted out everything.
I'm happier.
Thanks Tina and Jeron for the constant support. I felt the goodness being in p5 level.
Sometimes alot of things in life is really a blessing in disguise. I never had good feelings about taking up 5B, but after taking them through, it is really a blessing indeed.
They might not see alot of things from my perspective because they are afterall 14 years younger than i am and there are alot of things that i get to accept and digest in these recent years. When they grow up, they will slowly understand.
At the end of the day, even if we cant save all, we save one at a time. It does, make a difference.
I have many nice colleagues around. The self-proclaimed CWC people (above ladies) are only tip of the ice berg. I'm fortunate to be surrounded by nice people =) Should catch them one by one to take photos with me, if i happen to find the right time to, that is. (This photo is kop-ed from Aniza's FB, and this photo is taken by her daughter, who is only 9! My goodness, i tot the proportion is just right!)
Then, i do have many nice pupils around. 5B is really a class that i will definitely miss. A class that stirs up my emotions the most. Should just grab all of them for a shot seriously...hmmmm no chance already! Shall upload the class photo, when i am free :P
