Today Jeron came to me and asked :"Are you okay? You don't look happy." I said I'm ok but she said that she realised that i wasnt looking happy recently. When i am happy, i wasnt like this.
It sets me thinking, a little.
Observant as she always is, i think i'm not exactly unhappy but perhaps i think i am rather "reflective" lately. Although i am busy, really busy, somehow i am still able to "feel emo" every night. The thinker in me has been activated. Perhaps that helps me to destress and thus it came naturally. Whenever i feel "reflective", i tend to take a step back and see things from different perspectives which make me feel the whole load better. Frankly, i used to complicate things but nowadays i break problems down and i thought that is good. (Hahaha, age matters. 1 year older than the previous year does make a difference eventhough we might not feel it explicitly.)
Before i digress even further, i shall start to do a little reflection, some take-aways i've gotten from the p5 camp. I like such activities, it provides me with an opportunity to know myself even better and to make me a better person.
There are alot of first time for me this time round. I never knew that nature is so mesmerizing. I love getting close to nature. It calms me down and make me feel much lighter.
I had my very first night trek in the forest with my students and i had my very first flying fox experience. I think my kids were really brave. Like i've mentioned before, teachers get motivated by their students as well. It is really a positive influence on one another. Many times, we've been so protected that we really underestimated ourselves to a large extent. We will be surprised by the things we can actually do.
I've always complained that i have very bad night vision and i've always see myself as someone who cannot tolerate darkness. I do, feel really scared when it is dark. I'm to the extent that i have to leave the lights on at night if my younger brother is not back home. Therefore i always thought that darkness will freak me out totally. However i think, over the years, when i grow older, these fears start to diminish, unknowingly. No wonder in "Howl's moving castle", the main lead always say that :"At this age(apparently she's old), nothing surprises you anymore." I agree with that. It is a statement, not a hypothesis.
Before i embark on the journey, i was just having a small chat with Mrs Goh and both of us were saying that we would stand behind a child whom we think is brave. I specifically chosen Jing Bo to be at the end of the queue so that if anything happens, in case i'm really scared(darkness and ga-ga(s), Jing Bo will be there for me. (How ironic when we're suppose to be the ones who calm pupils down yet we're the ones who have the fear in us.) However, i think i really underestimated myself. I do not feel scared at all. I wasnt as loser as i thought i was. Although i dont think i can walk the whole journey myself, at least i can do it without feeling scared over "ga-ga"(s). I didnt sense anything unusual there.
I especially like the night trekking because i really like the feeling of walking through the forest at night, the cool breeze, the sounds of nature, the rustlings of leaves. All sorts of sounds that you can never find in our concrete jungle. When we reached the open space, the first thing i did was, to lie flat on the grass and to star glaze. Unfortunately, it was rather foggy that night and i think i would prefer to be with the right group of people. Some of the students were not able to appreciate the greatness of nature that totally tarnish my mood. I think it would be nice to have same emotional people to be with me at that time.
That aside, i think my students enjoyed the outdoor cooking too. I've not done it myself before because, i am really an urban kid and i didnt have such experiences/opportunities when i was younger. However, i did try the food that my pupils cooked. (Maggie and can sardines) Some people might not dare to try because of hygience but i think grown-ups tend to think too much sometimes. To me, it wont kill to try and i did try. I thought it was a good encouragement to our pupils because it could probably their first time to cook and whats more outdoor cooking. My pupils did well and so i should support. No need to think too much. Stay simple and ultimately, happy. I think i had fun, had fun chatting with Tiffany too.
The main highlight of the whole camp would be the high elements. Unfortunately, not everyone gets to try everything. My 5C, group 7 and 8, only group 8 had the chance to do flying fox. Everyone in that group = Fantastic! Everyone tried ! On top of that, i'm really touched by some of my pupils. They wanted me to go up there and thus i made a pact with them. As long as when you were coming down, you shout "5C rocks", i would go up and have my jump. I didnt expect them to be able to do it, seriously. Some, though they were scared too, tried their very best to shout. ZhiRong did and i am proud of him. Norleena was the best. She was afraid that i might not hear it, she shouted 3 times, LOUDLY. Fantastic these people. I told them that it was for them, i went up and i did. All along, i had height phobia. I had never been on vikings, neither have i tried rollercoaster ot anything that is related to the word h-e-i-g-h-t. I had never want to do it because i know i cant. Well, i would say everything really is psychological. I wanted to do it for my 5C so i told myself i HAVE to do it and i MUST conquer my fear and to SHOUT out for them. They cheered loudly, for me, really. And... I did it! I shouted too. Whatever i've shouted, i meant it from the bottom of my heart. T1W4, i really think 5C rocks and i love my 5C !
Fantastic people ! Spontaneous people! Caring People!
Hopefully they will always remember the camp and be as fantastic in their studies too.
I will definitely remember this experience.
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