=)

Finally.... i'm going to post something happy. =)
Times when you're really feeling down, you will really get to see who will not leave you behind.
Times when you just need someone, you know that the someone is right there.
Thanks to ALL people who have shown concern in one way or another ! MUACKS !

I have many nice colleagues around. The self-proclaimed CWC people (above ladies) are only tip of the ice berg. I'm fortunate to be surrounded by nice people =) Should catch them one by one to take photos with me, if i happen to find the right time to, that is. (This photo is kop-ed from Aniza's FB, and this photo is taken by her daughter, who is only 9! My goodness, i tot the proportion is just right!)


Then, i do have many nice pupils around. 5B is really a class that i will definitely miss. A class that stirs up my emotions the most. Should just grab all of them for a shot seriously...hmmmm no chance already! Shall upload the class photo, when i am free :P

Of course, friends are equally important. Decided to post up TLT's photo as representatives. Of course this period of tough times, i do get encouragements from many individuals, as well as the photog-and-chill-out peeps.


How can i not be happy when i am surrounded by fantastic people?


*On the other hand, you know who are the people whom you can share happiness but not woes. (cant help but feel disappointed)

Ha...so i do agree upon XY's random thought. Sometimes when we move on, we leave some people behind. Not that i want to, but i realised when i move on, i really do indirectly drop some of these people behind.

I'm really not a pessimist.

On the contrary, i'm an optimist.
Somehow lately i tied many knots along the way that made me rather unhappy.
Sometimes i wonder if i've become of a pessimist.

放不开也看不见未来~ 难道这种不完美~ 才是“生活”真实的样子。

It's a process

Sometimes we know how to console people but we have difficulty making ourselves feeling better. That is why we have a phrase :"Easier said than done." However, if you take a step back and look back into life, you would have realised that those difficult times that we have all been through, everything is just a process. It's usually easier said, but then ultimately you will still get it done, somehow.

Recently i'm been through alot, emotionally which i just couldnt comprehend why everything seems to affect me that much. So much so that within this week alone, i have no mood to eat, no time to sleep and no urge to interact with others. Luckily for me, at different stages of life, i have really nice colleagues, ex-colleagues and of cos, on top of that i'm fortunate to have a social worker buddy. Suddenly, i really miss my St Hilda's colleagues, esp Angelia. Her words never fail to encourage and spur me on.

There are people who tell me that i've been too hard on myself and some pupils are not worthy for me feeling for them. I feel dishearted because i think i've not tried my best in reaching out to them. And on other cases, i build up and work hard with them yet i'm the one who wrote them a F, keyed in an F and return to them. The kind of disappointment they have in themselves, i can feel it strongly and i feel lousy because i am totally helpless towards it. H.E.L.P.L.E.S.S. So this entire week, i've been searching for myself being a teacher, as a teacher.

I'm happy for Yoko and Syakirah when i keyed in her marks into the system. As compared to Ca2, Yoko has made a big leap of 31 marks and 66 is her personal best for the year. That makes me feel lousy when i face pupils like Eiffel,Tammy,Joey,Shafiq and Xin Wei which i did not manage to save them early enough. And all these while, i've totally left out Inshera and Nuranis who needed my help the most. If i've noticed their strengths and weakness earlier, i could have done more and they would not have failed. They are, fantastic pupils. I have not done my best. I could have persevered a little bit more and be more patient with Jeryl,Jia Jian and Terrence, i guess they would have done much better. If i've spent more time to talk to kenneth lek,junianto and shane, they too, could have been one of the top scorers in class. All of them are underachieving. So does that mean that it has got to do with my capability?

As students before we know, teachers usually leave out those they think can be independent learners to be on their own. My teachers in the past had never gave me any attention before and i guess i know how it feels. Therefore i think i've also indirectly been neglecting some of my very good pupils in class - Yi ying,Darley,Melirose,Rachel,Calvern,Xian Yao,Wei Jie,Zaki, Danish and Willson.

I think after yesterday, i really came to realisation that all these while, my thinking, my feelings and my talks with my darlings is a process that i must and need to go through. 3 more weeks to end of term. I will and must learn from my weaknesses and hope that for the next class that comes into my life will be very well taken of. In that sense, i've learnt more from 5B than they have received from me.

5B 5B. They are still the Best in my eyes.
Love the class so much that i think my days spent with them doesnt seem to be enough.
I hope all of them will really strive nx year for their PSLE.
I think no matter how many years have passed, i will not forget the few weeks i had with class 5B.

I'm awake now. I've walked out and sorted out everything.
I'm happier.

Thanks Tina and Jeron for the constant support. I felt the goodness being in p5 level.
Sometimes alot of things in life is really a blessing in disguise. I never had good feelings about taking up 5B, but after taking them through, it is really a blessing indeed.

They might not see alot of things from my perspective because they are afterall 14 years younger than i am and there are alot of things that i get to accept and digest in these recent years. When they grow up, they will slowly understand.

At the end of the day, even if we cant save all, we save one at a time. It does, make a difference.

Rollercoaster.

Recently my life seems to be in a mess.
Its just like being on a rollercoaster ride whereby i encounter alot of ups and downs.
Sometimes i hate myself for not being able to separate myself from my work and my personal life and this is bad.
Sometimes i hate myself for being so committed and attached to 5B and this is bad.
Sometimes i hate myself for being a teacher and this is bad.
Sometimes i hate myself for having such a soft heart and this is bad.
Sometimes i hate myself for having expectations and this is bad.
Sometimes i hate myself for being too humane and this is bad.

My life, is indeed in a mess. All because, i'm being emotional.
As i grew older, i tend to lose control of my own feelings.

When i first started teaching, although i went in during term 3, I love my 4/2 nevertheless and i can see returns at the end of the year. That makes me want to TEACH.

Then the following year, i started afresh to take up P1/2 and my bond with them was beyond description. Till now i'm still thinking of them. They're fantastic. We enjoy being a class. That makes me decided to stay in TEACHING.

And coincidentally, the nx year, i've gotten another p1, happens to be p1/2 again. Tho i only spent first half of the year with them, they were appreciative and parents were appreciative too. SO, i decided to sign the bond and be a TEACHER.

1 year of study, made me want to do alot.

Then i had a change of environment, to be in this school i'm currently at.

Finally, i was given 3B during my 10 weeks and they really enjoyed my classes and we are still having a strong bond. Everytime i pass by 3B, they will be very excited and i am too.

Then when i am officially part of the family, i was given 4E. A class which is basically weak in everything but are willing to try for everything. Most importantly, we work hard for one another.

Somehow, when i was really happy, things started to change. I was being ask to pick up 5B rather urgently. As usual, it is in me, to love all the classes that i teach so i try to love this class no matter how bad their attitude can be and how much horror stories i've heard about them. And indeed, i think i really feel a strong connection with them although i only spent 5 weeks with them. But time again, i feel so drained and as tho i need to fight a battle whenever i step into that room. This time round, i'm really defeated. Totally defeated by a class that i loved the most throughout my years of teaching. That makes me really disappointed and sad. Now fears overwhelm everything else. My heart died. I fear going in. I wonder when will my agony ends. I'm really tired. Physically and mentally. So much so, i really dont want to step into that class anymore. The more time i spent with them, the more i get attached. The more i get attached, the more hurt i'll get.

1001 things in my mind. Nothing hurts anymore. Nothing. My heart, died.

太感情用事了，女人！

Women ride on an emotional swing rather easily. As long as there is a bond somewhere, somehow, women tend to get trapped within it. Uncontrollably sometimes, we drop too much into our commitment.

Sigh.

Spend time to waste time

Today i literally spend time to waste time.
And so, today while stoning, it reminds me of this photo that i've taken yesterday.
The crab looks kinda old and grumpy stoning isn't it not?
I must have looked like this too!
Hahahaha
The progress of "Sweat-It-Out" campaign seems to be increasing at a decreasing rate. Hmmmm no good no good.

This campaign supports the removing of thorns so i must persevere. If one day this campaign has reap considerable success, i shall review what thorns i've been mentioning for the past few entries.

Its not what you think you know.
Its not easy to guess.
So stop thinking about it and hope my campaign works.

Today is Friday.

I think almost everyone loves Friday.
Today is a happier Friday to me than any other Friday-s.

Although i did not have a good week, but a good friday is good enough to chase away all the unwanted unhappiness.

=)

Times when i dont feel so good.

Spent quite a number of hours sleeping since last night. Probably suffering from the photo marathon tiredness. Now when it is supposedly the time to sleep, my eyes are wide open. It's 3 am now, no one in the right mind would be online to chat with me and thus, i've decided to talk to myself right here.

Recent months, i've encountered many changes in my life. Changes that made me both physically and mentally tired. I think heaven is giving me too much challenges within too short span of time. Whenever i realised that i found my joy in doing something, it would be taken away from me. Back to square one, i will have to start liking whatever was thrown on the plate. There are times we have more luck and patience, we see green pastures.... Yet, there are times too that we cannot neglect our own limits. Having changes always a 50-50% gamble. I have never liked gambling. Why cant i remain constant and why must i accept things that are forced down my throat?

I hate it when someone gave you a choice that is not a choice. Can you imagine someone telling you one whole load of happenings, and tell you that we really need your help but of course, it is your choice on how comfortable you are.

Redundant.
I hate it when i do not have a choice but yet you made yourself look better by phrasing it as tho i have a choice and yes since i made the choice, i stick to it and make sure i do good.

Even if out of our own good will, we accept the changes, doesnt mean we will have good returns. Instead we end up in a greater disappointment when things done are not appreciated in any ways. Thats when regret comes in.

So i really regretted for giving you a chance to force things down my throat but i cant spilt it out anymore. The level of my patience is already at the maximum. So... it means i will have to suffer for months before my agony ends and maybe not for long.

Happiness never last long. It always occupy the shortest time we had.
Cest La Vie
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Making Decisions

Today I came across an email which is somewhat similar to what i had posted months ago regarding dilemmas. I've decided to share it with everyone.

The Scenario:

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.

The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed.. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

What is your choice?

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make......... .........


















Consider this:
Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?

Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The great critic Leo Velski Julian as well as Sourav who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens.. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives o f all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.
While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.


What do you think?

This 'Piece' of Me.

When my blog was still standing at sourtea.blogspot, i knew there were people whom i do not know them personally, following my blog. They said because i sounded friendly and to a certain extent, funny-but-not-lame.

When my blog was still standing at sourtea.blogspot, my regular(s) used to comment that the way i blog, made them feel that as though i was talking to them "face-to-face". More of story telling whereby people would be interested rather than mere self-centeredness.

When my blog was still standing at sourtea.blogspot, i would never have known that i would change my blog address because, every single entry i've posted is a small piece of my life. Changing would mean taking away these pieces away from me.



By the way...I was one day late, but nevertheless, happy 1 year anniversary to gina-ography.blogspot. I am definitely not a newbie to blogging, nothing to be so excited over.."Oh yea! i posted ____ entries" , "MAN! i posted ________ words" , "WAH! unbelievable, i blogged for so long already!" <-- I would not have this kind of reaction anymore.

I quote from Howl's Moving Castle - " Well, one nice thing about getting old is that nothing surprises you anymore." Seriously, i think i dont get easily excited or surprised anymore. In this Howl's Moving Castle particularly, there are alot of such quotes about "being old". Somehow you cant help but agree that you cant fool age.

Anyway, before i digress, the reason i wanted to blog about this "piece" of me, is not entirely due to that this is the 1 year anniversary of this blog add. But rather, i am giving my self a chance to do a little self reflection here.

It started few days ago when i visited my blog and started reading what i have been posting posted.

I realised i am mentally drained and tired. If you had realised, it seems that my entries are/were more towards self-reflection. That means, when i blog, i'm thinking aloud and after reading my whole post, you dont seem to understand a think or see a rationale in me posting such entries. Yes. I am just doing my own self-reflection.

1 year ago, it took me a long time in making a decision to move my blog over to this site. I couldnt bear with my past. I couldnt bear with all my archives. I couldnt bear with alot of things. Of course many people would tell me that i can just go ahead and change blog address and everything remains status quo. However, moving blog to me, is not just simply changing an address. To me at least, moving blog is putting a stop to "that moment in time". That memory at that point of time. As i've mentioned in the very post i had here, a fresh start. Thus, it took me alot of courage leaving sourtea.blogspot. To preserve my memory, i retained that to serve as a keepsake.

For the past 1 year, i think i've really changed.
I thought my decision to move over was right. Because, i managed to move on from the pit-stop.

But i thought the whole of last year seems to be a struggle. Every small changes in life, affect us.I felt that i've transformed this piece of me to someone who seems to be rather dark. Sometimes i really have the urge to press the [delete] button and start all over again. Reality would not be so easy to handle. The trouble it takes for one to [delete] is far less effective than just open a new document and type it all over again.

And suddenly, the thought of switching it back to sourtea.blogspot came back. Perhaps gina-ography has been a hide-out for me this entire year and i am ready to be back to "mainstream"

Sometimes i wonder if you know what i'm rattling about.
Because i'm confused altogether.

There is no ending to this entry.

I shall not think of anything else anymore.
Whatever.
I dont care.
I shall sleep.

Cant wait for dec hols to come when i can really try to rest.


Oh btw, the thorn i've mentioned , wanting it to go away..... good needs is ...That thorn is lessen day by day. Hurray ! Very soon i would not have remembered that there is such a thorn. =P

I dont like anything that has got to do with stupidity. Yay. so goodbye thorn!

Needs alot of "Me" time

When i hadnt started using the term "me-time" (*introduced by ah wEi), i always considered time spent with myself as my isolation period. Everyone will have times whereby we really want our own personal time...to recuperate.

Times whereby things are just not smooth to you.
Times whereby you have something in your mind that you really want to get rid of.
Times whereby you're simply tired.
Times whereby you just want a "peace" of mind.

I enjoy having my me-time doing things which calms my mind.
Reading... and i haven been reading! I feel so deprived when i see my books staring at me.
Listening to jazz-y songs. Yes, these days i'm listening to those.
Swimming... but i didnt go for a swim today when i'm supposed to go.
Photoshooting ... which i am still deprived of.
Staring into space ... who has that luxury now?


AND........ there is this ONE thing in my mind, which is just like a thorn stuck in my brain that no matter how hard i try to forget i cant. SO irritating,that makes my day bad. Every now and then that ONE thing will just appear from nowhere. Sometimes when i thought i've gotten rid of it... ITS STILL THERE! My goodness.
GO AWAY FROM ME!

Sometimes When We Touch.

This song attracts me to Olivia Ong when most of the people do not really know who she is.
There are people telling me that this song is overly-exposed. Meaning, there are too many versions sang by too many people. Well, somehow i feel that Olivia has put a very unique feeling to this song.


You ask me if I love you and I choke on my reply
Id rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you on what you say or do
Im only just beginning to see the real you
And sometimes when we touch
The honestys too much and I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity some tenderness survives
Im just another writer, still trapped within my truths
A hesitant prize fighter still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honestys too much and I have to close my eyes and hide

Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Are you still here with me?

For someone who loves blogging so much...
not updating for nearly a month, seems to be rather unusual.

Sometimes i wonder the same few of you, who seems to have drifted further and further away from me, are you still here with me ?
This, who used to be kind of a one-way bridge from me to you, seems to be less visible.
Are you still here waiting for me at the other end of the bridge?

I used to think that as long as you hold on tightly to things that are dear to you, you will never lose it. Keyword - "hold on tightly". Meaning you make an effort to make sure that you did not let go/find ways not to let go.

Actually, there are 2 flaws in having that thought.

First, there are nothing in this world that we will not grow out of. And to that, you will still lose things that are dear to you, even if you are stubbornly holding on to it, ahems mentally ....if not physically. Lets use our daily life as a simple analogy. When we were younger, there used to be certain things we enjoy doing. We like it so much that we might do it everyday? every hour? or even every minute. Well, not to exaggerate but sometimes we do enjoy something that it never go out of our thought. Day by day, while you still enjoy it but finally one fine day, u just realise that you arent doing it anymore. So naturally that you didnt know when you have stopped. Growing up is something very interesting. No matter how old you are, you never stop growing. And as you are growing, you simply grow out of everything and therefore life changes. No matter how determined you are, in holding tightly to the dearest thing, it will never stay put. Not because it didnt want to do so, but because you're advancing without even yourself knowing it. Or sometimes we didnt even realised the changes that are happening because we have been to engross in thinking of ways to keep it dear to us. Come to think about it.... since its something we encounter day to day basis,we should never be too upset over things that were no longer within your boundaries. Move on. The moon is always brighter on the other side. Why hold on? when its already out of sight?

Second flaw lies with the word "tightly". Sometimes letting go is a better choice. Holding on tightly, might make you miss a step. You may think that because its dear, you hold on to it tightly. However eventually, it will might in turn becoming a burden... because you hold it so tightly, you think it is very dear to you. When you take a step back... You're just holding on to a thin bubble. Something you have locked yourself with.

Anyway, i think this whole entry doesnt make sense to anyone of you.
I'm just straigthening my thinking, thats all.

I think i just need more swim, more cycling and if possible, more jogs to get to know myself better.

Its good to think and think.
It makes us know the art of living better.

When there's no choice to begin with

There is this article on Mypaper, under "yoursay" section, someone wrote in :"why cull stray cats that have been sterilised?" After reading the full article, i just feel that i should blog about it. Not that i'm an ultimate cat-lover, but i thought this has got to do with humanity.

I do understand the reason behind sterilising cats and therefore, i dont see a reason why they should receive a "death sentence" when they cant add on the the statistics of the number of roaming cats anymore. Personally, i've never understand animal euthanasia. If human euthanasia is seen as something that is not good. How about animals? say cats? Great then. People who are for human euthanasia would fight that everyone will have their own human rights. While on the other hand people who are against human euthanasia, would say that they owe their lives to their parents, or to the bigger picture GOD.

If i am going to put those 2 arguments together, animal euthanasia should be strongly discouraged. 1stly, if we are to talk abt rights, does animals have a right too when u make a decision that they should die? NAH, they dont have a choice simply because they dont speak the human language. 2ndly, if you bring in about the nature cycle, then by throwing a death sentence to animals isnt it going against mother nature, totally? Just because you are deemed to be more superior, they are allowed to take control and reverse how the whole nature works?

Perhaps if you have a heart, you will say sometimes ending the life is better than letting it suffer. Hmmmm, then maybe committing suicide will no longer be a crime, and we see dead corpse every other day. If you really have a heart, you should save and not to kill.

If the number of strays are too overwhelming, save the problem, tackle that issue and it has already been addressed. STERILISE. So then.... whats the issue now by having a few cats roaming around?

Actually my whole point is not only to talk about a-cat-getting-a-death-sentence-when-it-doesnt-deserve-it. Rather, i would want to pin point on the way we, humans handle issues. I might not be familiar with other countries and therefore i quote in the context of the lovely country i live in. A place where we are so proud of our efficiency. No doubt, there are evidences to boost about but there will always be loopholes around.

Most of the time, do you realise that if u have a problem that involves the "neighbourhood" or "public concern", you will have a HARD time finding a solution. Not that its really a hard shell to crack but its more of shirking responsibilities from all parties. A will say B is in charge, B will say C should be the one A is liasing with. C will then direct the arrow back to A, saying that the procedure should be A first yada yada yada. After one big round, you still couldnt get the person who is really in charge. Thats scenerio one. There is also another kind whereby they will give you a standard cliche answer and always say they will get back to you. BUT, u waited...u waited...and u waited. The reply will never come and surprisingly, the person/organisation who said will get back to you, seems to disappear into another dimension that you cannot locate them at all.

Frustrating isnt it? Nobody claim responsibility, nobody needs to do anything. "It doesnt concern me anyway, why should i care" This is the exact situation that is surfacing. Back to the topic about the cats again... Being a town coucil, you work for a better enviornment for your residents. So, by not getting back or simply cannot be bothered, dont they think is a big insult upon themselves when they always claim for service excellence? Contradicting themselves and how do you expect people to entrust and respect them?

When there is only 1 floating sampan...

In the midst of the ocean, lies 33 sinking boats.
Some boats have more holes, or perhaps bigger holes that made them at risk of drowning. Rather, some boats had already sunk.

There is one small floating sampan from afar.
A light of hope it might be.
Hope will only be realistic is sampan is fast enough to make a decision and move forward at full speed.

However, this hope is still not able to save all 33 of them simply because the capacity of the small sampan doesnt allow it to.

Choice:
1) If the sampan tries to save all, it will result in all dying. Small sampan will sink due to heavy load.
2) If the sampan tries to only save 5, the 5 will live and the 5 will use their bare eyes to see the rest of the boats vanish into the deep sea.

Choice 1, sounds fair yet unfair. Fair enough because how do we distinguish who is worth saving? And by saving whom we think is/are saving, are we going against professionalism because we display some sort of discrimination? Unfair... because we deprived those potential ones who might stand a chance to survive and pull them down altogether.

Choice 2, sounds optimistic and yet pessimistic. Optimistic because at least there are survivors. Pessimistic because the survivors are going to see the others sinking feeling a sense of helplessness.

*Most people will suggest to sampan that sampan should pretend that sampan did not see the situation of the sinking boats and just be more self-centred. Just do what a sampan should and shall ignore whatever that is not concerning the sampan.... hmmmmmmm.

So what do you think the sampan should do ?

Short

How's life for me?
Busy i would say... both work and leisure.

I took q. a number of photos using my ah sec and made an effort to bluetooth to my lappy BUT. I am lazy to upload. After all the bluetooth uploading, i thought the photos werent fantastic anyway.

Anyway, i've watched harry potter and half-blood prince and managed to rewatch all the earlier parts(since i have the dvd-s). I'm so much into harry potter that i've decided to read the last book and not wait for the not-so-detailed movie. YES. As of 3 days ago, i've finished reading a 800 plus page of harry potter and the deathly hallows. =) Now i'm going to read the first book all over again. This shows that i'm really addicted to harry potter. Disappointed that i didnt manage to get the mug/cup of the half blood prince becos cathay didnt have it. GV had it. Needless to say, i prefer and watched my harry potter at cathay, so i didnt get the mug/cup.

Oh btw, i dont think that the movie half blood prince is a disappointed as described by many folks out there. I feel that we should always draw a line between movie and book. For a movie that is 2.5 hr long, i thought it has captured the gist of it. Can you imagine if we were to act out everything that was mentioned in the book? Then i think it will take much more time than 2.5 hrs. Being realistic, it did have a good closure. Some said that the ending was not much like an ending. Well, seriously, i thought it was ok. At least, it has provided a platform to link it to the last part of harry potter. Some commented that it was dark. I thought, as an adult, it was acceptable. Its up to individuals daddy and mummy and at their own discretion whether they should allow their kids to sit in and cry throughout, isnt it? Anyway. HARRY POTTER is goodie !

After watching harry, it had stirred up the addiction in me of watchin movies. Friends who knew me well enough , would know that i'm not much a movie-go-er. Recent days, i just feel like watching movies. Today i watched UP. Not too bad, just that i hate watching movies in the same theatre as teenagers. Spoil my whole mood. Esp when sad moments, and i do feel it q. dearly, those bunch of inconsiderate teenagers just mouthed out something that spoils my whole emo mood. This show can be rather heartwarming. No spoilers since its considered as a "newly released" show.

Work wise. I'm really busy. Hard to describe. Just plain busy.

After a long, busy weekday, if i'm free....normally i go for a swim and then read my book before sleeping. Thus i wasnt spotted online that often if u have realised.

Maybe i shld resume my weekly ography, to make me more disciplined in uploading some photos to my blog. :PWords can be boring at times.
(FB is so efficient that i really think blogger shld help to make uploading friendlier.)

Meet My Twin

My Mum's idea. She said that it would be good if I take 2 photos with my 2 different folders and gowns and merge it as 1.

So... Here goes. Took it just a few minutes ago. We have this white hall just in between my room and my mum's room, so suitable to take a shot there.

After the whole phototaking, my mum commented that it doesnt look like the same person at all. The person on the left is the elder sis, with a more "zai" look while the one on the right is the younger sis with a sweeter smile. Hur. It does make a difference eh? Personally i prefer the one on the left.

Then, i compared with the one i took 3 years ago. My kor started saying i DO look older. BUT! In my own opinion, i thought i look better now than 3 years ago.

Both photos were taken @ same place, same time just not the same outfit :P

It's Friday !

Friday is a happy day for all, if not most.

Okays, in another 90mins, i will finish up my lessons for the day. Yeppie! (*ahems , tho it doesnt mean that i have nothing to mark.)

*Heard the bell, i shall continue later*

I had a dream

I think i fell asleep at around 6 plus while watching Harry Potter - Order of Phoenix. But before that i watched the ending of Goblet of Fire. So, within the 1hr of napping, i had a complete dream.

In this dream of mine, one of my friends was attacked and had bruise all over. I did not withness the happenings but then somehow the person got hurt because of me.

Will not illustrate further. Hard to pen it down using words. I'm not as descriptive as Jk Rowling.

Anyway when i woke up, i thought maybe i should sms to check if he is ok ...
but i think better not.
Its just a dream anyway.

Shall sms on Friday, the end of the week to check that everything is fine. (*oh and i'll ask if he had lost a watch too. Because in my dream he lost a watch and i found it.)

I guess, its just my obsession over harry potter for now...that makes me dream dream dream.

灰色的彩虹-Fan Wei Qi

我从秋天等到安静的落叶
还不够时间倒带想念
就像电影情节最后完结篇
褪色的画面没有笑脸

我的记忆摇晃着昨天我还有感觉
一抬头什么都看不见雨后的无言

红橙黄绿我都找不到的晴天
从此我们两个世界

在灰色季节渐渐忘记你的一切
过几年我在原点
彩虹出现而我再也找不到
美丽的蝴蝶偏偏飞不上天

对你的想念再也寄不到
你世界地址是再见

Digesting Songs

The previous cds, Guo Jing's and Lala's, i have not really "digested it" because i've not gone deep into the lyrics yet. But both cds have their strengths. Guo Jing's album is worth a buy for her good vocals and nice ballads. As for lala's as i've recommended before, i like the way she presented songs and music with a very strong personal touch and style.

Following the 2 good buys, i decided that i should buy another few more cds.



Based on the good quality a-mei's recent albums, i gave a-mei's new album a try. Erms... Own taste and preferences, this is JUST not the kind of music that i will appreciate. =( I think i've only listened to it twice and i sent it to cold palace. I'm ultra disappointed.

Few days ago i listened to fan fan's album online, but i was in office so didnt really pay much attention. I have been waiting for her release until today, i got hold of 1 copy. Did 1 - 2 dry runs. Seems like she has alot of mid-fast pace songs. Hmmmmmm i miss the old fan fan qu feng. Out of the whole album, there are only a few slow ones and those happen to be the ones i like more. I am attracted to "hui se cai hong". Nice. Time to digest her lyrics le =) Shall share if i found anything heartwarming or heartache.

Mundane? Make it alive !

This is my cubicle. Might not be the neatest but things are in place. At least i try to pack my table everyday before i leave this space.


Something is lacking. The welcoming element is not there. The whole table seems to feel cold to me. Work stuffs, papers, books, stationeries....how fun or exciting can it be?
I'm not the type of pinkish girly person...so i think there's no way i'll turn this to a girly corner. I shall turn this to a mini "photo gallery". In order to do that, i need more good photos and more group photos. People, friends, family and even photos of pupils, gives you the motivation to move on.

Water Therapy

Yesterday i went swimming and i think water has a very good neutralising effect. It makes one just feel like submerging into the water and not to surface up/out anymore. I tend to do alot of thinking, tho some are nonsensical ones, when i'm doing my laps. When i get frustrated over certain issues, i'll just vent out by swimming faster or by not letting myself breathe until i'm totally out of breath. Well, sometimes i will just dip right in and hold my breath.

Suddenly i recalled that sometime not long ago, someone told me that swimming is a "me" thing. A personal time and space, especially you feel very emotional that day. Actually it is really true and therefore it is really healthy to be disciplined enough to "cleanse" our souls once/twice a week. Not that we have alot of knots in our life, but sometimes we just like to think too much or hold too tightly on things which perhaps are no longer in our circle. Most of these things are "imaginative" in nature, the imaginary stress and pressure we like to put upon us.

Over the years, we learn to loosen a little. We learn to be strong and to let go when its time. We should not be too stubborn because at the end of the day, its ourselves facing our own stubborness.

There are many kinds of people living with and around us. I am definitely not those who go around to share with others about what i'm going through because i feel that ultimately, if you have tied a knot somewhere there in your life, you will still need to find a suitable solution yourself. So thats the whole point of lying low.

HOWEVER, being an optimist....
Things that are bitter or sourish, will turn out to be sweet ultimately, sometimes even in unexpected ways.
To this i believe.

Hang on there if you're stuck in the "melting" period. The bitter u get while struggling for the sweetness will be precious, no matter what the outcome is.

=)

Suddenly i feel so relaxed.
The definition of happy can really be simple.


*i am still holding on to the investiture part 2 entry and NE show2 entry ... Uploading photos in blogger is much more a hassle than in FB. Thats why the delay.

Teachers' Investiture 2009 Part 1

Thoughts.Words.More Photos ....

will come in part 2 =D

now... i need my sleep.

The Answer Is ... ... ...

Good concerts are worth watching.

And therefore, I didnt regret purchasing the 2nd cate. I was just so near to the stage.

Initially I thought the stage looked pretty simple... but it had proven me wrong! The stage arrangements were fantastic and i was impressed by the crew. Everything was perfect.

However, i was a little disappointed in the guest performer(s). Not that they're not good, its just so "OFF" from the concert. Kind of a mis-match.

Other than that, everything was good.

Yanzi has a very strong stage presence.

Nice.

Now i know why she is Singapore's treasure.

Good concerts are worth watching.
I wonder when's the next?

And when will my queen be back here to perform ?

-----------------------------------------

But after the concert, my kor said i revert back to the Jingru mode automatically...
Fdreamers, JR still my one and number one. (*Kris no need to kill me le right?)

爱太痛

Those who knew what i've been doing lately, will know why i had this title.

My kor has been pestering me to watch 败犬女王 because he said that my character is very similar to the female lead. (*ahems, minus the part whereby the woman is caring and cute, he said) He even made the initiative to get ready ep1 to watch it together with me. Erms, but nope. He did not succeed in making me watch...

...until when there was this once, i caught the ep8 on scv and i got hooked up totally. I started from there,ep8 and now i'm already at ep18. All those i've watched, i can say that this show is extremely touching. I can really feel the emotions rather strongly....Sometimes i feel that just by watching the show, made my heart squeezed a little.

Of course, the great use of songs at the appropriate time, really perfect that show.
Go watch it.

I think the next time i sing the song Qing Ge, I will have more feelings to it.

Celebrate Little Achievements in Life

No matter what success you reap at the end of the day, it starts small at the beginning.

I used to question myself, after inhaling oxygen since the day I'm delivered to this world, what have I accomplish? It is especially demoralising if one attempts to compare to people of the same age. For example, atheletics would have compete in world-wide games and could have won countless number of medals. For example, professional singers or musicians would have already be international renowned. There are many examples we can churn out, if we really are to compare ourselves in that way. In fact to be more realistic, one might think that friends of our age would have advanced very far in their work, earned big bucks, owned a car and bought their first ever property. So, what's our standing?

Think about yourself...
Still a student struggling somewhere out there and to whine whenever assignments are chasing you too hard?

Or perhaps a working adult complaining the lost in the mist whenever you feel that your life becomes routined?

Or perhaps you're still someone whom you think is so ordinary that your life is so smooth that you think maybe you need some challenges and excitement ?

Its okay to grumble about our life, that is what we do every other day to vent out our frustrations. However, I came to realise something... why dont we try to learn how to celebrate small little achievements in life? Everything starts small. We cant expect ourselves to be a scientist when we have no knowledge of what Science is actually made up of.

Most of the time when we finish an assignment, we felt relieved and satisfied because we managed to get the burden away, on time. Perhaps it is time to see it with another perspective. After completion of the assignments, you accumulated more knowledge than before, and that is also a small achievement. Many people, including myself, questioned the reason for us to be trained in NIE. Now that we are all trained, take a step back and ask yourself this question, do you feel enriched? I think i did. I felt that i've learnt alot of skills that i wouldnt have known if it wasnt part of my life journey. Therefore, by acquiring these skills, some of which could be life skills, made me feel a sense of achievement when i saw that piece of paper i've gotten. No big deal perhaps, but doesnt mean it has no value.

My eldest cousin once told me this: "People can snatch everything from you except for one thing and that is Knowledge." I felt that this is so true and it has created such an impact on me until this very second.

So today i do feel accomplished... because i did not give my life away.
I walked the hard way as compared to some of my peers. Perhaps people in my life helped me along the way but ultimately i choose my way. I am still gaining knowledge in my everyday life and these are my little achievements which one day might just snowball-ed to be a great achievement of mine that i could share with my grandchildren.

I've been reading inspiring books from time to time and today i'm just going to introduce the book by Randy Pausch - The Last Lecture.

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." ~ Randy Pausch

Fish Effect, Infinity

Everytime i am in that mood, i like to watch time and love concert all over again. So yes, i'm watching it now.

Can you see what i'm seeing?

Few days ago, i went out with my camera. Didnt really have an agenda to begin with and therefore there are not much to show. Just some shots here and there.

Solitude ~


Most of the time, we see things very differently. The kind of feel we have differs and i thought it could be largely linked to our mood and feelings on that very day we snap that photo - the angle we choose, the way we wanted it to be. Sometimes we like to take shots by randomness. Just turn ur camera around and shoot. Somehow, these photos always turn out well. However, when you're carrying your camera with you and in some serious mood for photoshooting, the kind of photos turn out very differently. It is very different from just taking a random shot and hey! thats a nice shot. Most of the time, those photos that depict us, might just be a simple plain photo to the others. You see a story of yourself, something that is so personal to you that people might not see it.

That is why, i always feel that people who likes to take photos, live in a world of their own. Especially when they are with their cameras. There is no need to say much. Just be quiet and shoot.

The Last before the Start...

每到夏天我要去海边 ~~~

A short summer holiday + NIE ultra mini grad trip to Bintan.

LOOKOUT for this space after Tuesday...

(I do not have all the photos with me, especially group photos. I'd want to wait for all photos to be in before i blog)

Yeh...check after Tues.

F.A.M.I.L.Y

Was looking through all my photos in my external HDD. The convenience of facebook has deterred me from uploading photos into my blog. Good in some sense tho, at least i do not have to really organise, resize and frame it. However, sometimes if you just have more and more photos, it does put you off a little in uploading them altogether. We took a total of no less than 1000 photos, from there, i picked out 3 to blog. 3 of the very few group photos we have had. Taken not too long ago, just 3 months ago.

This is how we spell the word family.

Anger

Have you ever wondered why is it that you'll get angry easily with/by someone? (*i'm not talking abt pple cutting you queue and you getting angry... no no ....)

With my own observation, i do think that it only happens under 2 situations. 1, would be that you really like the person alot, so much so that you will get affected easily. Even disappointment too, can be transform into a form of anger, somehow and somewhere which will then turn out to be sarcasm flying everywhere. Sometimes, i really think that sarcasm really makes things worst, especially when you're dealing with adults. Sarcasm is therefore, in my opinion, shld be the last thing used against someone who is in that sense dear to you. We do say that bickerings or small disagreements sometimes is good to smooth a relationship. However, nobody ever mention that sarcasm is healthy. It is in fact, very unhealthy. I can at times really be sarcastic. But, i will only be sarcastic if i smelt sarcasm from the other party first. Often, i feel that i'm hurt in the process of hurting others. When i receive something that is nothing but sarcastic remarks, i do likewise. It is indeed a vicious cycle.

Alright now i did mention that it happens under 2 situations. Before i digress to talk all about sarcasm, the 2nd one would be that, you really dont like the person right from the start, to the extent that nothing that he/she does pleases you. Nothing seems to go right in your eyes. But at least this type of anger, will be short. You will probably only end up grumbling about how 'childish' or 'ignorant' that person is that makes u wanting to puke. Grumbles dont kill and it will probably not be hurtful because it will never reach the ears of the other party. At most, you get tired yourself for spending the energy to get angry. Ha.

So, i would say that out of 90% of my angers would probably towards people who are dear to me.

But did you also realise that the moment u show slightest anger, will create a snowball that could probably result in a lose-lose situation?

I know but sometimes i really cant help it.
Simply because you're so dear to me.

Hmmmmm but seriously, my temper is really very much better as i aged.
Just to let you peeps know, if i happen to be angry with you... its really just because you're precious.

我为人人，人人为我？ OR... 互相利用？

Most of the times, we try to convince ourselves that giving is more satisfying than receiving. Therefore in order to feel happy, we should never expect any returns or to measure equilty to the very bit. But seriously, sometimes i question could it be that humans are optimistic by nature that we think that this world is just so simple - you give, the other party happy, you're happy.

More often than ever, there are other complications. The hidden side of the story. I would say,unfortunately, the dark side. Just a simple illustration. Lets say you may emotionally or even physically consider that A is your very close friend and on the surface, you do feel that it is somehow recipocrate. However, what if one day you realise the truth is that, A has been talking bad about you behind your back? Of course, i have not encountered such situations myself. Either my friends are too good or i have been deceived till this second. I'm not trying to say that everyone is scheming or anything but humans are just a kind of mammal who/which tends to think alot and be subdued to "external" circumstances/environment around them.

(Tell me now, who doesnt have evil thoughts before? And why do you have them? To put it simply or in a more common context, who have never thought of winning your best friend(perhaps) in terms of academic?) Hmmmmmm it makes me wonder.... if your friend scored say slightly better than you, why dont you celebrate with him/her rather than thinking it in your heart that "why am i still not better than you?" Strange strange.

Oh... i shouldnt digress so much. Back to the case scenario of A. I've really seen such cases happening. So i conclude. There must be something that is "useful" of that person that make him/her as a friend to you. A harsh conclusion i know. But think about it, isnt it true?

How often do you think of me ?
Or...
Why do you think of me?

Answer that question, then you will know how true you are to me.

I'll leave it as it is here.
I'm quite upset over certain things and i just couldnt get over the "互相利用" negative thought. Enlighten me please.

Spirited Away

No matter how many times i've watched, i'll always be very touched by everything. You do pick up some philosophy while watching. It is kind of amazing that though i've watched it so many times, i get to learn new things from it.

真的真的很喜欢...

I'm determined to get the soundtrack. Its hard for me to describe the feeling i gathered from the music in this show. Tears can just roll down uncontrollably. Actually i am really a very emotional person. My brother always very puzzled by my reaction towards this animation. He dont seem to understand why i cried each time i watch this. As usual, feeling is something that is complex. It is also dependent on your past experience and perception of life.

Might not be easy to find the soundtrack as this show seems to be a 8-year old production. I am determined.

Untie the tied knot.

Yesterday, i dreamt of SRJC, lecture theatre 1. I had a virtual walk and everything seems so familar and similar to when i was still schooling. When i woke up from it, i felt like crying. Not that i had a bad dream but cos i came to realise those memories that i had, belong to the 17 year old me. Therefore what i'm left with is mere history. Not great great history, but its really something that is very dear to me personally. In my dream, re-visit that place, rekindled with old classmates. Perhaps thats the one thing i've always wanted to do but i didnt. At this point of time its actually pointless for me to go back as those memories of mine doesnt belong to the daily life of mine now. I keep, i treasure and i move on. Same goes to all my memories i held on tightly when i was in SHPS. We dont let go, we move on.

Recently i've been watching alot of inspiring works which makes me think and reflect upon myself. There are certain things that are kept in that dark corner of us, be it happy,sad,success or regret when we were much younger. Some of these things actually hinder us implicitly or sub-consciously to who we really are to date. We tied certain knots along the way, we made several, if not many, assumptions based on our own interpretation and judgements from time to time. Not that its bad but it would be better if we walk back into our memory journey to clarify certain things or perspections we used to have in the past. Seems easy but its really a tedious process to drop down every single load that you shoulder on yourself. 1g of everything can mountain up to tonnes of the whole thing altogether.

I dont know how you think of this phrase "可是呢然后呢" as it has been sung in that song 《情歌》. I always have this helplessness yet with slight angry frustration feel when i heard that phrase. I dont know if those words are the correct vocab to describe that feeling i had in me or perhaps, feelings should never have an exact vocabulary. How can you describe how you feel when feeling is a complexity? Feeling is personal and is definitely subjective. There is no "ceteris paribus".

So do you always question yourself 可是呢然后呢?
There are certain things we do, we dream of, we work towards.
At the end of it, no matter its good or bad.... 可是呢然后呢 ?


可是呢然后呢

Jin recommends

Its simple.
All you need to do is not to agree to me... but you could....
Buy it. Listen to it. Digest it. Like it.

=)

Its just not your day.

Sometimes ur day went on so badly that you suspect that it could be probably cos you woke up from the wrong side of the bed.

Then, you came to realise that perserverance is not really NOT the key to everything.
When things are not beyond control, it will never be.

Not that i dont have the patience, i simply find that it is so discouraging that it becomes pointless to waste time and resources in perservering. It becomes meaningless afterall.

Is it worth what it takes? Do you really think so ?

I am not using my brains

It has really been a long time since u've seen anything new appearing on this space of mine. For those who have not been seeing me, might just thought that i went into my turtle shell and MIA-ed from this world again. Anyway i'm back, with however, no juicy updates. Recently i've placed that big but with emptied-cell brain at home. I have not been doing anything, in my opinion, that is worth mentioning. To put it across, i have not been doing anything constructive enough to stimulate that brain of mine. No good books on hand too. Just reading up on the "memoirs of geisha" which bores me a little. Someone told me that the movie was rather different from the book but! to me, it seems to be rather similar. I do have those exact scenes from the movie when i was reading the book. Probably, thats why people has been saying that, it's always better to read the book first before going for the movie.

Suddenly i think that i am crapping my way, the kind of blog for the sake of blogging feeling. Thats why i'm going to stop here.

So yea, jin is still pretty much the same, except that she really need perks like, going for snap snap tours. :P

*Oh ya today my handphone died on me totally and i couldnt find a single public phone around. Amazed that we no longer have any public phones anymore. This shows that i've really aged.

The QCM People

Math(s) has always been one of my favourite subjects since young. It is still my favourite subject in NIE and in my opinion, QCM is the best module that i've attended in NIE. Needless to say, Dr Koay is really a very good tutor ! Why is it the best? I really get to know how can Math can be taught in the fun way, the relational way of teaching and understanding. How is it meant by meeting objectives and the true meaning behind a difficult piece of math paper and how it is suppose to be, when we stretch the potential of our high ability students by going deeper rather than acelerating everything altogether. Dr Koay's teachings has been instill into me, so much so that everytime i look at a math question or the way people teaches math, it kept me pondering for hours, and sometimes for days. Sometimes i do wonder if i'd make the same mistake because we're often press for time. I want to be a good teacher, a good math teacher in particular. I really do, have higher expectations on myself in mathematics. However, sometimes i do feel rather helpless, the more i know, the more i think i do not know kind of feeling. You will walk this journey with me right? To see how i grow... I'm really going to start my own career after bumping around as a "untrained" for 2 years. Watch over me cos you are important.

Alright, to put a stop to those thinking aloud thoughts, i'll share some photos, taken just 1-2 days ago.



We had our final-final "tutorial" class on wed. Actually our last tutorial ends in february but we like this class so much that the math rep had kindly helped us to organise one informal session with our tutor. Of cos, our tutor helped us to book the room and the tea+coffee. Thanks to hazel for bringing the polar puffs, Regina for the brownie and Lena for the cupcakes. Tho i didnt really eat much but the sharing made me feel good. Its so nice to see all of them after 10 weeks. Suddenly i feel that its kinda sad that we will part ways very soon. Fate brought us together for a year, to go through all the "sufferings" in NIE. Finally we survived and yet we're going on separate ways.

The Ding-Dangs. Look at our fists. Can you make a linkage now? Anyway... Tho i dont remember why and how. It is Kathy's specialty. 伸出援(圆）手, xiao ding dang. Cant remember since when too, we like to say, shen chu yuan shou and yup, Kathy is our ding dang.

The EAST people and yup we're math table mates.... hahaha cos we sat through all the QCM lessons together, playing with all the manipulatives and to cheer one another for our PP.

Finally, huiling called her my "ai mei". Kathy, my ai mei. Thank her for all the photos and heh of cos, all the grapefruits she has been providing me with. (No more people helping me to peel grapefruit liao) This ai mei of mine getting engaged very very soon.... in 2 mth's time. =)


HAHAHA and this..... This was taken few months ago, before we set off for our practicum. My fav QCM class. Everyone is present! Thank Boon for the photo. (Ahems, i want the other 2 informal photos !)

Time for Reading ~

I dont really remember when i started to love reading. I find myself being so engrossed in the scenes that i can finish 1 book within hours. I did it again. If you find me holding on to the same book for more than 2 occasions, it means that i have lost track/interest of that book. 1 such book suffers this fate. Totto chan. I've tried reading it twice, well, or maybe thrice. Each time i'll be disrupted or distracted by something. Be it work or whatever nots. I gave up on that book totally. And i've always stop when i was 3/4 the book. Well, its ok. I've decided not to re-read it again. I developed a liking towards reading memoirs. I think ever since my mother's colleague lent me that book :"not without my daughter". How the mother and daughter were being coax to return to middle east(which i cant rem which country) and was "trapped" there by their husband/father and how she managed to make her way back to michigan. Also, after my june trip to cambodia last year, it had made me very interested to know the life under the khmer rouge. Therefore i picked up a book at the NIE library earlier on this year as well as this book from the tampines regional lib earlier on.

I've always been wondering why is it that when countries like singapore is undergoing nation building(Yes, we've already cleared up the smelly and dirty singapore river!) , while cambodia, a country so close to us, whereby the people there are encountering life near to hell. 1975 -1979, the pol pot regime is so recent. So recent that i find it so scary when i was there last year. Sometimes i wondered, i might even be kept captive there! Come to think about it, i wouldnt want to step into that sad country again. I'm glad that i've been there to hear the history, spoken, the unknown revealed. But, i wouldnt want to go there again, seriously.Not now, definitely.

Anyway, i've always been wondering why are there wars, and why will history always repeat itself? And i've always been wondering why people believe in the ideology of communism and strive to achieve utopia. Of cos, to me, i do think that the theory behind communism is really wonderful, it paints a very good picture. BUT! it is not something that can be put into practice. Not in application or in reality. Alot of things i do not understand. I think i need a historian friend who has a wide knowledge to answer many of my questions. If i am to talk to a normal friend, they would have look at me as tho i am sound weird history freak.

Haiyoz....

Okays stop all my random thoughts...

We bought a cake for my mum for mother's day. Then my mum said that 人就是要结婚生子. Hahahaha of cos, this cake = marvellous !

Last day of practicum ...

The Practicum Trainees (Helmi missing from the photo)

My kiddos have started their exams, thus our time table was suspended. I didnt get a chance to go into the class on my very day... So.... i borrowed 5 mins from their science teacher to bid farewell. Passed the chocs to Jeroy my monitor and i left. After that, i've gotten to know that the form teacher, who is also my very good CT can spare me the last period to talk to them. As i didnt want to disrupt their revision, i went in during the last 10 mins, and they were all waiting for me ! =) Surprise surprise. Took the class photo at the very last min, bell had already rung. I'm glad that i'm still able to take a class photo with them. Somehow, i can bond well with this class, which reminded me of my 2007 batch of p1/2. Miss them !

Oh but somehow i didnt get to see my 6E. I just passed the chocs to my CT. There are really interesting people in 6E but they are also the people who gave me the most problem when i only see them 2 periods a week.

Didnt really eat lunch the entire day, cos i was very packed. Class after class... and my last day ended at 6.30p.m as there was central marking. I marked P4 English paper on Thurs and for my last day, i was assigned to scan and collate results of all the OAS. Luckily the machine was not v. cooperative, the whole process was so slow that i do not need to mark the P6 math papers =P (*I was given 2 tasks, for which i need to complete the OAS first before going to join the rest in marking the p6 papers. PHEW)

Rushed home and return to TM to have a dinner with my CT, as well as 2 other "future colleagues" as well as the 2 other comrades , Hazel and Shirui. Chatted all the way till 10pm?

1 more month, we'll be back to yumps.

Random

Ever since i started practicum, i've been neglecting this virtual space of mine. Most of the time when i'm at home, i'll try not to touch my lappy. This is especially true after i've finished my very last observation... When i do not have much lesson plans to rush or reflections to do, i'll 'throw' my lappy aside. I do have alot to blog about actually, but then i felt that its no longer that "fresh" anymore so i'll do it short and sweet.

I was laughing at the AWARE joke which i will not further illustrate since they have gotten enough publicity. Ling was just mentioning to me last night that she wondered if they might be trying to boost their membership hence the "not-so-welcomed-people" have to surface out, loud enough to snatch the headlines from the previously known as swine flu. Kekekekeke...Apparently, it did, probably not on the news or papers but the flooding discussions online and on blogs. Sometimes it really make me wonder about how the society functions. Seriously. Enough said, i wouldnt be doing a coverage on it so.... SHUT UP and SIT DOWN! :P
(Do you hear jeering?! Hahahaha)


If you have been flipping the papers, they have so many pages, whole load dedicated to the H1N1 breakout. Was just discussing about this matter with my brother and we talked about quarantine. He was just saying that his friend self-quarantined himself after he came back from overseas, which i dont remember where it was, but definitely not Mexico. 1-week, that is. Then i was saying that there is no need to go to that extent , unless, my company is able to work out with me on my leave. I wont want to penalise my own annual leave just to self quarantine myself when the place i've been to is not exactly hot on the flu. He said, i'm just like a typical singaporean who is lack of social responsibility. I see it in a different point of view. Anyway, i'm not heading anywhere, so there is no need for me to prove that i have or do not have "social responsibility". Like Dr Khaw has pointed out clearly, locals should still continue to go outdoors. I'm still going for my swimming and enjoy the whole pool to myself since there will be people who will not want to share pool at this period of time. Dang !

Yesterday, there was a repeat telecast of the Star Awards. Actually people who knew me, will know that i am not a crouch potato. I dont stick myself to the television and indulge in potato chips. Needless to say, local dramas have already lost me eons ago. However, i do enjoy watching the Star Awards, who's In, who's Out and of course their forever amusing thank you speech. Quite a disappointment that this year everyone is playing the safe card. I guess it has got to do with the buzzer thing that everyone will have to prepare their speech and to end swiftly and not to talk nonsense. I thought, it became less appealing to watch. Everyone just thank family, fans and bosses. I thought their thank you speeches in the past were much, better, nearer to who they really were in their "real-life". Out of those dramas that had gotten nominated, i've only watched one, The Little Nyonya. Year after tyear i always thought would appear to be stupid to watch the awards without knowing how the rest acted but! this year is so special that every single award is flooded with The Little Nyonya's nominees, so i can relate to. They should name it a qing gong party awards. ( Eh ok, less of the sarcasism, i really feel that they ought to get what they deserved.) Kudos to Joanne Peh and Jeanette Aw. I thought they were good! Oh and did i mention? Joanne looked so pretty ! Hur and Zheng Ge Ping was funny. " wo men zhe zhong category". But i thought tho he was encouraging but could also hurt the others cos he mentioned if you're not Ou xiang pai or without background, can forget about getting into top 10. So, indirectly = those won are ou xiang pai or they throw in money? (*It made me ponder about how Henry Thia can squeeze in all the way to top 10 when Daiyangtian, He tian ci were not even in top 20 list.) Surprise surprise.

Over the weekends, hmmmmmmm i attended my mother's colleague's son's wedding @ Regent. Food was good! Heh heh and there were 5 of us, the other 5 who shared table with us we were all familiar with, so the dinner was quite alright. And we were seated just next to the bridal table. Didnt know we would be placed so upfront. And the other table were all their business associates. Then my brother and I were talking about placement. Business associates and partners come after family members. The rest, behind. Quite cool, to be part of the "business associates" table. Initially i didnt want to go as i've never enjoyed going for wedding dinners. My mother insisted that all of us should be present becos they were close partners for which they have seen us since young. It would be very rude if we were not there.

My entry is so random that i didnt know how to continue or to end. So.... hmmm i'll leave it here. I have alot of random photos hanging ard. I'll find chance to upload them all at one go, when i am not so lazy.

Stop, Think, Reflect

Hmmmm I clear my email inbox once in a while. I found this particular mail that my friend sent me yesterday. It made me stop, think and reflect.

Tho the whole content is in the context of relationships but it speaks more than just relationships alone.


============================

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of
what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in
your relationship. There is always another person (man or women)
that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is
lacking in your relationship that you WANT. And believe me, 20%
looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current
relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that
good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get
something better with the other 20% that you WANT. But as reality
has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the
20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that
you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.
"Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her
Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's
also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my
spouse is not"

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be
more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer.
Have greater sex appeal.. And you will find a woman or man who will
need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse
ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only
have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a
husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is
melancholic by nature.

You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry
laugh no matter what she says: "I broke my arm yesterday,
Hahahaha . . .."

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling
of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young
sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black
blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your
husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet
an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have.

Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!

That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents
all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you
have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and
joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the
other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers..

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you
already have.

But I'm not just talking about marriage.. I'm talking about life!

About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks
through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's
missing? "They have got more leg room! Oh my , their food is served
in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've
got personal videos!"

I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your
life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do
you know that there are many first class passengers who are
miserable in first class -- because they are not riding in a private
Lear Jet?

The main message???

If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are,
you are first class!

=====================================


We need to make do with what we have, seriously. So, stop complaining and grumbling when you're actually the more fortunate one ! (Fighting against the devil in me

Very soon

CLEARED !

Allow me to have a good loud laugh first.


MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


I've finally cleared all my 8 lesson observations ! There is no good word/phrases that can describe the feeling of clearing lesson observations ! =)
Not that it is really that tough to prepare for lesson observation but then yea, its just that something is off ur shoulders. I think fellow NIE mates will know :P

1 final one to go ...
Sup lesson ob ! Yay !

3 more weeks to end of practicum

(*i think i will miss my 3B tho)

Start to Countdown

Its Wednesday !
Looking forward to the long weekends !

Yes, i've cleared my SS NIE assignment and i missed out on the rubrics totally. So yea, i might not do well for SS. I dont think i will fail but yep, probably this will be my only C in my 1-year journey? Ha. Its okay. I've learnt how to let go by not setting too high expections .Thats too hard on myself. Thats probably why i wasnt satisfied with my results last sem. Hmmmmm come to think about it, the more we expect, the more worse off we'll feel at the end of the day.

I would be able to clear my syllabus for Eng and Math by next week! Is it fast or is it too fast? Hmmmmm its only week 4 and i'm done with teaching. Actually i am really not rushing. 2 weeks for 1 English unit. I started Term 2 work last term week 9. So to count, i've used 6 weeks for 3 units. As for math, i just did a class quiz with my class. I would just need to clear 1 "ambigious" area that some students just couldnt get it.

Thats the good thing abt high ability class. They grasp concepts fast. You wont need to spend time keep on repeating and still leaving clueless pupils.

By the end of this week, which is tomorrow, i would have cleared (6 + 1) observations! Woohoo! 3 more to go (Math, SS and Sup) and i'm ready to get back to NIE.

I shall clear my last 2 observations next week and wait for my sup liao..
6th week @ Yumps already. 4 more weeks !
Am i happy or am i very happy?

Oh and my family, they're returning back to SG tml night! Adds on to the good mood.

Imperfections

Saw this advert earlier on that manage to really capture my attention.

"Imperfections are what actually make someone perfect."
In the end, its the small things you remember, little imperfections that make them perfect for you.

Beautifully imperfect.

www.thinkfamily.sg

Beginner @ Work

I've always enjoyed taking photos everywhere i go. However, when it comes to shutter speed, F-stops, lighting, and many other components, i'm really a newbie. A beginner holding on to D90. Went photoshooting with the other 3 of them , i think weeks ago. My photos were not up to standard but i've managed to learn something from ah wEi. At least, i know how i can go about 'playing' with my D90. Out of the many many photos i've taken, i've only managed to select 5 to blog here. The 5 i thought it was rather nice in my opinion. Tho those photos have alot of room for improvements , there is still a term we use in the chinese language. That is, 缺陷美 =). Comments, Critques welcome ~ Tag me.

Looking forward to more chances in shooting better photos.

I do have some other photos taken after that outing... hmmmm will try to sort out when i am free-er.