I became a teacher because my teacher changed my life. She gave me the courage, the confidence, the determination and motivation to strive harder because she was with me during my toughest times. It may sound rather cliche, but the fact that i am able to be here today to share my story, as a teacher, a totally changed person, is because she had made a difference in my life.
My journey as a teacher started in 2006, after my graduation from university. At that time, i was uncertain if i'm up to this job because i know it is not just a teaching job but it encompasses alot more. A good teacher is someone who is able to lead, influence and care for every individual that come into their life. On top of that, I had no prior experience at all and i am not an expertise in any of the subjects.
I started contract teaching in the July 2006 with a notorious P4 class and then, i was already their 6th EMS teacher of the year and therefore there were no routines at all. I had a real hard time which i thought of giving up. i've made up my mind that i was indeed not suitable for the job. I had a chat with one of the senior teachers and she gave me the assurance and encouragement that i needed at that time. I perservered and tried my best to bring my class through for rest of the year. Slowly, I managed to gain trust and to build rapport with them and i do see returns at the end of the year. That makes me want to TEACH.
The following year, i started afresh to take up a Primary One class and my bond with them was beyond description. Although they were only mere seven year olds, i learnt from them on how to be more accepting, more forgiving and more appreciative towards things around us. On top of that, the school enriched my knowledge and developed me in my teaching areas. The more i know, the more i wanted to do more. That makes me decided to stay in TEACHING.
In 2008, which was the year that i had to decide my direction.I had a struggle in wanting to sign the bond or not to sign the bond when my 2-year contract is up. It is either i go for my training or i will no longer get to teach. The burden comes with the bond as i was still lack of the confidence to be able to sustain for 3 years. One of the colleagues, my mentor, just posed a question to me that very morning whereby i was scheduled to sign the bond. She said :" You have the passion and we can see it. You just need to ask your heart, what was the thing in you that kept you on these 2 years and still want teach? The bond is just a piece of paper, your heart matters." I signed the bond that afternoon.
It was really encouraging for me when i received a card from my principal, which was given to her by hand, from a parent of one of the students in my class. I had a pleasant surprise when i read the card. Although i've only taught her daugther for half a year, she was very appreciative towards my way of teaching. That made me wants to be a TEACHER.Therefore, I gave in my best at NIE because i want to be ready for the other pupils which will come into my path.
However, the real challenge came after graduating from NIE. Initially, i was given 4E. A class which is basically weak in everything but is willing to try for everything. Most importantly, we worked hard for one another. Somehow, when i was really happy, things started to change a little. I had to pick up 5B rather urgently. I tried to love this class no matter how bad their attitude can be and how much horror stories i've heard about them. But time again, i felt so drained and as though i need to fight a battle whenever i stepped into that room. This time round, i felt that i was really defeated. And indeed, i think after spending 5 weeks with them, i really do feel a strong connection with them. Perhaps the more time i've spent, the more attached i get and that made me really disappointed and sad.Not in them, but more of a personal struggle within. That was also probably a good time for me to reflect on what had gone wrong and how i could learn from my weaknesses. I broke down, not only once or twice, but most importantly, that process made me even stronger. It made me search for myself being a teacher, as a teacher.
My ex-colleagues, colleagues and friends have always been around me when i was feeling down. Finally, i really came to realisation that all these while, my thinking, my feelings and my talks with my 5B darlings were a process that i must and need to go through. I will and must learn from my weaknesses and hope that for the next class that comes into my life will be very well taken of. In that sense, i've learnt more from 5B than they have received from me.I've walked out and sorted out everything. I became happier.
Sometimes alot of things in life is really a blessing in disguise.
I never had good feelings about taking up 5B, but after taking them through, it is really a blessing indeed.
They might not see alot of things from my perspective because they are afterall many years younger than i am and there are alot of things that i get to accept and digest in these recent years. When they grow up, they will slowly understand.
At the end of the day, even if we cant save all, we save one at a time. It does, make a difference.
Mr Poh, my RO, asked me during my first meeting with him in 2009-"Why do you want to be a teacher?"
That was and continue to be, a difficult question to answer.
But i guess I do have an answer now - its the human touch.
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