Too Involved?

I used to lead a carefree life, blogging about the smallest thing that happened to me in the day. I can post up to 3 times a day.
A daily update was as easy as counting 1,2 and 3.

Being childlike yet happy.
Life was simple, then.
I wake up, look forward to school, I smile and laugh for no reason and I end my day well.
I miss those schooling days.

These days, its very different, even when i choose to blog.

I wouldnt be here if i'm in the right state of mind.
Sometimes i wonder, why can't things be simplier and myself to be happier.

I think its a struggle, to balance everything in life.

A month ago, i met a long-lost friend whom i'm really guilty for neglecting.
She said, i'm just too involved with my pupils and my work that i no longer make time.
The conclusion i gather was, she felt that i didnt make effort to make time for friends.

Few weeks ago, my friends asked me out but i just have too many work on hand that i brushed it away.
One of them said that it's forever very difficult to get me. It must be a miracle if i turned up.
The conclusion i gather was, they felt that i used work as an excuse.
Few days ago, my elder brother commented that i value my pupils more than my family.
I turned to my mum and she said :" No, she values her work more."
The conclusion i gather was, they felt that i see work as more important than family.

Two days ago, my colleague said that i'm too enmeshed with my pupils.
I should learn to detach myself so that i would not burn myself up.
The conclusion i gather was, she must have felt that i spent too much them with them, on them.

Yesterday, a friend of mine chatted with me over FB, she commented that i am super dedicated to my pupils.
She said she will separate personal life and probably work - to maintain a distance from pupils.
The conclusion i gather was, she felt that i've crossed the boundary of a teacher-pupil relationship.

Sometimes life is so diffcult.
Its so hard to please.

I dont deny, I do love my job.
Because I love my job, I want to do everything to the best of my ability.

Maybe they are all right.
I'm simply too stubborn.
I should lay a clear boundary.
I shouldnt get myself too involved.

Why cant i just make things right? For once?


I always ended up messing things up, that includes my own life.
I'm starting to think that i'm indeed dark and twisted.